innocent

I stared across the table at Eli, his eyes penetrating me with a force that I knew had nothing to do with the questions he was asking.

“We have to get through this,” he said. I looked down at my hands and nodded. They were handcuffed to the table and I couldn’t stop staring at the reflections of the light in the metal. My sequined bustier, barely covered by my tan trench coat, created blinding mirrors and I closed my eyes tight.

“Nora?” he said and I raised my head to him. There was something in his eyes that made me feel safe- as if he knew everything was going to be alright. He smiled that boyish half-smile and pressed the button on the tape recorder.

“I just need you to tell me everything. From the beginning. As much as you remember.” I wanted to sit on my hands, it was freezing in that room, but the chains from the handcuffs rattled and restricted me. I nodded and licked my lips.

“Alright. I know you believe me. No one ever plans things like this. I don’t mean Johnny’s murder, I mean becoming a... burlesque dancer.”

“A stripper,” Eli clarified and the word hit me like a bullet. It sounded so cheap and common. It sounded like everything I had struggled so hard not to become. Ordinary.

“Yes. I needed the money and I’m not the brightest girl. I couldn’t afford college and never graduated high school- I ran away from home when I was seventeen. Not because things were bad at home. Nothing like that. I mean, my dad died when I was seven but my mom was great in raising me.

“I just knew that I was destined for something bigger. So after I ran over... Well, after him I left town and came to Manhattan.” I struggled where to go next. How much did he want me to say? He already knew everything about my life but he said even the smallest detail could prove me innocent.

That was the irony of it all. I was innocent of Johnny’s murder, yes, but not completely innocent. I had killed before. And I didn’t regret it.

Johnny promised he would protect me and I believed him. A tear slipped out and I had to bend down to wipe it away because my hands could only reach up so far.

“Nora, we need to keep going. You have to keep talking because the sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can prove you’re innocent.”

“I am innocent.” Eli stopped the tape.

“I know you are, doll. But they don’t believe you. You had a lot of reasons to kill Johnny. We just need to find one reason why you wouldn’t.”

I nodded yet again and took a deep breath.

“Alright. Here we go.”

dessert II

cookies and wine.

the cookies still fresh and warm from the oven, the chocolate melting against my fingers and lips, leaving chocolate fingerprints on the glass.

the wine rich and red, dry and sweet. staining my lips purple.

i lick the chocolate off- wrapping my burgundy lips around a knuckle, lapping at my hand like a kitten.

your kiss is lingering and sweet, tasting of cigarette smoke and sugar.

return

after nearly a year absence, i have decided to return to regular postings of my sketches.

my absence can be attributed to many many things (a new job, an almost-breakdown, vacations, life, stress, starting school again this past fall) but mainly laziness.

now that i am back in school (focusing on fiction writing at the new school, nonetheless) i promise to be more frequent in my postings than i have these past months.

i'm probably sending this out into a void of nothing, but i figure i owe even a void an explanation.

talk to you soon.

vibrate

the student's cell phone went off inappropriately in class and everyone turned to look at her. the ringtone was some britney spears-ish pop crap and she waited a few seconds before reaching down into her purse to turn it off. 

"why don't you have your phone on vibrate?" the teacher asked, calm but annoyed. the student shrugged- obviously unphased by the interruption. 

"'cause. it's not as fun that way." a slow smile spread across the teacher's face.

"that depends on which pocket you put it in."

sonnet

(i obviously did not write this. but i wanted to post it because i absolutely love it)

sonnet 57

being your slave, what should i do but tend

upon the hours and times of your desire?

i have no precious time at all to spend,

nor services to do till you require.

nor dare i chide the world-without-end hour

whilst i, my sovereign, watch the clock for you,

nor think the bitterness of absence sour

when you have bid your servant once adieu.

nor dare i question with my jealous though

where you may be, or your affairs suppose,

but, like a sad slave, stay and think of naught

save where you are how happy you make those.

so true a fool is love that in your will,

though you do anything, he thinks no ill.

-william shakespeare 

simple

his kisses were simple.

they dotted my forehead, my cheeks, my neck, my back, my shoulders, my chest... and most romantically, my lips. i kissed him back gently and smiled up at him. his eyes were closed and i raised my head to kiss his eyelids. when i pulled back, he was looking at me. his chocolate eyes bore into mine and in that moment, in that second, life was perfect.

i didn't want to think about him leaving in a few days for what could be a month. i wanted this forever, this simplicity and comfort. i never wanted to stop feeling his kisses.

awesome

he smiled at me and tilted his head, his eyes shining in the candlelight. 

"you're awesome," he said out of the blue. it took me by surprise but it started a warmth in me that spread to my fingertips and toes, even in the cold restaurant. 

"thank you," i eventually replied. "why do you say that?" he shrugged and took a sip of his wine, his eyes never leaving mine.

"because you are. i can talk to you about everything. i can talk to you about things i can't with other people."